Six Signs You Are Not Assertive Enough

By Jill J. Johnson

In today’s competitive world, those who achieve success make things happen and have developed the ability to be assertive. If your secret desire is a promotion or more money, being assertive can be the key to making your dream a reality. Not being assertive can doom you to continually being passed over. Wishing for recognition is no longer enough, you have to take real action to be noticed.

If you are not achieving the success you desire, it’s time to take a step back and assess whether you are assertive enough. There are six major signs that can confirm whether you need an assertiveness fix. Then you can implement four key actions to immediately to boost your assertiveness and take control of your destiny.

1) You never get your point across the first time and constantly have to explain yourself: If people take away the wrong message from your verbal communication, then you are not being clear. You are presenting your ideas in a disjointed manner and the valid thoughts are lost in the jumble of your words. People will tune you out and only hear part of what you are saying. You are talking out loud trying to figure out what your point actually is. You assert yourself on the wrong points and exhaust your listeners as they wait for you to get to a point that matters.

2) Co-workers interrupt you mid-sentence or talk right over you: Constantly being interrupted when you speak indicates that people don’t respect you. Worse yet, the ideas you are presenting might actually be poor ones that demonstrate that you really don’t understand the crucial issues to be resolved. Co-workers may be so frustrated with your lack of insight that they interrupt you in order to keep the focus on the crucial issues and keep the discussion moving constructively forward.

3) People take advantage of you because you say “yes” to everything: It is one thing to accept new assignments because of an opportunity to learn new skills. It is a whole other thing to give up your nights and weekends because you cannot say no. By trying to please everyone, you make it easy for others to take advantage of you.

4) Your peers or upper management comment that you are “too quiet”: A comment like this is a neon sign demanding that you must start speaking up. When they finally tell you this, you are already identified as not being a power-player. If you don’t comment on the critical issues, they will wonder what value you really do have. Hanging back and hoping someone will notice the good job you do ensures that you will be overlooked.

5) Your subordinates don't follow your lead: If you are leading and no one is following you, it will be impossible for you to get strong efforts out of your staff. Morale will be low and team performance will suffer because you are not really a team. Productivity will stall and you will be at risk of receiving a low performance review because you are not managing your people effectively.

6) You feel angry about the direction a situation or project went because you could not influence the outcome: Are you really upset because you did not get your way? Or are you frustrated because your emotions are focused on things you cannot control, rather than on things that you can? Non-assertive people waste their emotional energy complaining and feeling helpless. They grumble about the situation to everyone else except the right people.

Let’s examine four things you can do to become more assertive:

1) Watch your body language: Body language dominates the spoken word and can help you to express yourself in a more assertive manner. Your posture and facial expressions play an important role in becoming more assertive. You need to make and maintain eye contact, rather than looking away when you talk. Standing tall or sitting up straight when you speak helps convey an air of confidence. People who project confident body language are listened to more carefully.

2) Speak up: Don’t just wish for things to happen. Ask for what you want. Tell people what you are interested in. Send emails to more than one person in your group or copy your boss on key items to ensure that others cannot take credit for your well-thought out ideas. Communicate in person if the matter is important or controversial. Focus your energy on bringing forward other good ideas rather than complaining about decisions that have already been made.

3) Be prepared: Do your homework before you go into a meeting. The discipline of preparing ahead of time will make you more confident because your thoughts, opinions and ideas will be more organized. Making an outline and rehearsing will help you get to the point more powerfully in the meeting. Be sure you have all the data and information you need to support your opinions so you will respond better to people who dismiss your ideas or challenge you. People will be less likely to interrupt you if you are in the middle of making a well-thought out comment.

4) Practice: Assertiveness is a skill and like any new skill, you have to practice it over and over for it to become something you can do with ease. Volunteer for assignments so you can get in front of more people and augment your experience. Practice being assertive inside and outside work. As you gain confidence and learn to express yourself more clearly, when it really counts you will be more comfortable speaking up and your ideas will be more likely to be accepted.

If you want your voice to be heard and your opinions to matter, you need to do everything you can to implement these practical strategies so you stop fading into the background. Taking responsibility for your own future can provide you with a real shot at meaningful career success. Don’t waste any more time. Step out of the crowd.

Jill J. Johnson is the president and founder of Johnson Consulting Services (JCS), a management consulting firm based in Minneapolis, Minnesota, which specializes in strategy development. Established in 1987, JCS assists clients in the development of business plans, marketing plans and market-based strategies for growth. Their clients are located throughout the United States, as well as in Europe and Asia. They can be contacted at http://www.jcs-usa.com/ 763-571-3101.